Archive | September, 2012

Beast Mode

23 Sep

One thing about pole that sets itself apart from other sports is the ability to make your mark as an individual.

Of all the Pole Idols out there it’s impossible to find two identical styles. We’ve got Felix and her Sexy Flexy style, Alethea and her Pure Sex style, Jenyne and her Effortlessly Pretty style, Natasha Wang and her Impeccably Perfect Lines style and on and on and on.

But this week I found the pole artist that I look up to the most. The one whose style I long to embrace.

Zoraya Judd and her Sexy Beast style.

Hot Damn

I first saw her perform at the Pole Expo in Las Vegas (paid for a live streaming ticket, oh what I’d give to see it first hand) and was gobsmacked. I had never seen a women show such strength and control while at the same time looking so fucking hot! (I am a good judge of hotness in ladies, I consider myself an expert in this field.)

She is now known for incorporating her 40lb snake into her routine, but my favourite video of her is before that time.

She’s only been pole dancing for 3 years, so that means this video was taken around her 2 year mark. What a sexy beast!

Funny enough in class this week, as a way to challenge me, my teacher asked me to do a brass monkey up the pole. Could I do it? No. But the next day I found this video and saw her climb the pole doing a brass monkey climb all the way up. Are you kidding me?? Ok, challenge accepted.

My teacher has been awesome with trying to find new ways to push me. Sometimes I think she just wants to stump me, but either way I like being pushed to the extremes.

But when push comes to shove one must always, always listen to their body, especially when it whispers advice or forewarns of impeding doom.

Yesterday I went hard. I noticed some new pole kisses along my bicep, something I hadn’t seen since learning the Yogini a couple months ago.

I still wasn’t totally happy with my practice. Yes, I was able to get the moves I had set out to do, but upon viewing the footage I kept cringing with how un-graceful everything was. I know grace and flow comes with time but I still somehow expect myself to have perfect lines with every execution. So today, despite my body creaking and groaning and a little voice whispering, “Hey, why don’t you just stick to stretching today?” I set out with the same agenda.

I still didn’t have perfect lines (duh). I don’t know what I thought would be so different given the less than 24 hours between attempts, but things were a little bit easier. However, at the very end after countless brass monkeys I decided to try it yet again. But, y’know, perfect this time.

“Maybe you should just stop for now.” said the little voice.

Pshhh! Onward!

And with that I leaned forward into another brass monkey climb, felt all my muscles turn to jello and fell, banging my shoulder and bending my thumb into an unnatural position.

Who knows when I’ll be able to grip the pole again, I couldn’t even open a ziploc bag full of frozen berries after that.

So, listen to that little voice. Even if you want to tape its mouth shut.



15 Sep

Holy cow, I was browsing through some blogs and noticed I was tagged! Yippee, I didn’t even think many bloggers were reading so yahoo. I’m about two weeks late but here we go!

This is how the Liebster Blog Award goes:

1. Answer the questions that the person who tagged you asks.

2. Tell us 11 random things about yourself.

3. Tag 11 blogs and link them to your post.

4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag.

Q&A from

  1. Where is your dream vacation spot & what would you do/see while there? I haven’t been to many places, but I’m pretty sure I would love the Grand Canyon. I loved the Badlands in Alberta so I’m guessing Arizona is like that but times a million. I’d probably spend my time strutting in cowboy boots.
  2. Favorite dish/recipe? Pad Thai with spicy peanut sauce. Mmmmm…
  3. Favorite hobbies, other than blogging? Pole dancing. Playing piano. Going to the park with my daughter. I used to love reading but finding the time to do that is near impossible these days.
  4. What is your current favorite song? Oh jeez, any Burt Bacharach song makes me happy.
  5. What is a quote that motivates or inspires you? “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
  6. What is the color that you gravitate to when shopping for clothes and accessories? I’m always drawn to black, stripes and emerald green.
  7. If you could only listen to one decade’s stereotypical music, which decade would you choose? 60’s. So not much would change.
  8. What is your favorite way to workout? Pole. Obviously.
  9. What would you say is your greatest achievement in life? Having a child and becoming aware of things I needed to change about myself to become a better mom.
  10. If you could say something that every person on earth would hear, what would it be? Do what makes you happy.
  11. What song/movie/scent/taste/item sends you immediately into part of your past? (For example, foods like Apple Butter and Pennsylvania dutch cinnamon sticky buns make me think of the times as a young child that I spent with my Great Grandparents in PA before they died.) “Ok Computer” by Radiohead reminds me of an ex who broke my heart. The album still bums me out. Whenever I get a whiff of “Polo Blue” by Ralph Lauren I’m brought back to happy memories of another ex. The opening scene of Batman (80’s Burton version) with the Warner Brothers logo used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid. My stomach still turns when I hear the opening credits. Eating dinner rolls reminds me of Christmas Eve dinner at my grandparent’s.

Random Things About Me:

1. I’m left handed. During pole class I insist on teachers saying “Inside leg, Outside arm” instead of left/right to avoid confusion.

2. I’m 4’11” and still feel like a child. I want a boob job so I can feel like a woman.

3. I can hear a melody in my head and play it back on any instrument if I try hard enough

4. I eat what I want, when I want. I don’t own a scale and could care less what I weigh.

5. I have a shopping addiction. I get a high from finding the perfect pair of shoes or vintage skirt but have no where to wear anything. I’m not about to go to the park in suede stilettos.

6. I used to have impeccable spelling. These days spell check is always on my back and it’s embarrassing and I worry that my brain is slowly melting.

7. I miss Nova Scotia but the rainy days are keeping me away.

8. I will never love anything enough to want to do it for 40 hours a week. Except maybe pole, if my body would let me.

9. I never wore sunscreen growing up and as such I am convinced I will get skin cancer. I check for weird moles almost every day.

10. I used to dress very outlandishly with giant hats, thigh high stockings and lolita dresses. Now that I have a daughter I feel weird about dressing that way in public.

11. If I say I want something out loud I will find it within a week at Value Village. This has gotten me an accordion, a dress form, an Anne Murray album, a Michael Jackson style leather jacket and stripper shoes.

And I tag….


My Questions for You:

1. At what point in your life did you realize that you were really an adult?

2. What is the oldest article of clothing you own that you still wear on a regular basis?

3. What is your favourite thing to eat for breakfast?

4. What song makes you stabby when you hear it?

5. How often do you change your hairstyle?

6. What teacher made the biggest impact on you growing up?

7. What embarrassing moment from your past still haunts you?

8. What would you say to your 16 year old self?

9. Who was your first celebrity crush?

10. What is your favourite month of the year and why?

11. What was the most terrifying nightmare you’ve ever had? And what was the best dream that you wish you could never wake up from?

Like I Need Another Excuse to Buy More Lululemon..

14 Sep

“I don’t run unless I’m late for the bus. And most times I just say fuck it and wait for the next one.” – Me.
I hate running. I hate jogging. I don’t even like to speed walk unless I spot a pair of shoes in my size and worry that the bitch in front of me sees them first. And then I’m so out of breath I have to bend over, panting and clutching the shoes to my chest before I regain enough composure to try them on.

But that all changed last week. Or, uh, five days ago. If you know me in real life or have even just watched my videos you will know I have a dog. He is the best. He’s the most muscly dog I have ever come across although we have no idea how he got those muscles since he spends all day flopped on the couch like a pothead. That is until someone comes to the door and the once docile cuddle monster turns into a cracked out maniac jumping and racing around the house. I don’t think anyone believes me when I say, “Oh, he’s normally so calm!” because no one not living in this house has ever witnessed Quiet Django.

I know he needs proper exercise but have you ever tried walking a pit bull? It’s like trying to pull the brakes on a freight train. We tried everything imaginable but every walk ended with us coming close to dislocating our elbow. We had tried choke collars but he would pull just the same, oblivious to his self strangulation. Pit bulls have the highest pain tolerance of any dog and are natural pullers which make them a perfect candidate for a rather controversial method, the Prong Collar.

Strong as Fuck. Unnecessary and mean, but you get the point

I wish I had known about them sooner, after purchasing one I only had to do one quick tug and Django was running faithfully by my side with the leash slacked.

Yes, I did say running.

Day one went something like this:

*Run Jog for 15 seconds* “ohfuckohfuckihatethissooooooooomuchkillmenow!” Followed by dry heaving.

Day 2: *Jog for 45 seconds* “Istillhatethissomuchgoddammitwhydodogsneedexerciseiwannapuuuuke”
Followed by dry heaving

Day 3: *Jog around the entire block without stopping* “Wow, this isn’t so bad…la de daaaa”

Day 4: *Full on running!!!* “Wheeeeeee!!!!”

The next day (today) I woke up and actually had to drag my dog out of bed for a run, the lazy jerk. I then came home still bouncing with energy and started warming up for a heavy duty pole practice.

And ta-daaaaa I loaded up on iTac and had the best practice I have ever, ever, EVER had at home. Holy shit, I want to fuck my jar of iTac I am so happy with it. Thank you makers of iTac, I want to high five you to death.


I’m not gonna lie, I watched a video of a 9 year old Russian superstar pull off a walkover mount and was all, “Daaaaamn.”

Prepare to feel old and past your prime.

Stamp out the Stigma with a Smile

8 Sep

There has been an ongoing online discussion about negative reactions to pole dancing. Ever since becoming involved in the pole community I have heard many stories about girls being shunned by their family, being called a slut by their “friends” and having to relentlessly defend their sport of choice to their boss in order to keep their job. For some girls it’s an uphill battle gaining respect from their peers and others still are in the Pole Closet. They hide their platform heels and are able to disassemble their pole in less than five minutes when they hear about last minute company arriving.

I wish I could relate and offer my condolences to these girls….but I can’t.

I have yet to hear one negative thing said (to my face at least) about my taking pole fitness classes. Maybe my city is more progressive and on top of the latest fitness trends? Or maybe I just don’t make friends with assholes? Seriously, my friends have been my biggest cheerleaders!

I get asked often by strangers if I’m involved with sports.

“Are you a gymnast or something?” someone will ask, as I make my way to my truck while carrying 7 bags of groceries and a toddler, effortlessly.

“Why yes, actually. I’m a pole dancer.” I respond with a smile while staring them dead in the eye.

I sometimes get a bug-eyed, red faced smile but more often than not it’s a nonchalant, “Oh cool, my sister/co-worker/stepmom/roommate’s girlfriend takes classes too. Seems like a fun workout!”

Maybe the key point here is that I don’t act ashamed when talking about it. Because I’m not, so why should I feel embarrassed by others’ perception of what it means to be a Pole Dancer? If someone has a problem with it, then it’s simply that: Their Problem.

As RuPaul famously said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” (Ok, it took me a long, long time to realize that. Quite liberating once that statement sinks in.)

I bet she’d be fierce on the pole

My living room offers the most space out of any room in my house. I am able to twirl and fly through the air without fear of kicking a hole in the wall, so there she sits. Sparkly, shiny and in your face, my pole is the first thing you will see when walking through the front door.

But time and again, she remains the giant shiny elephant in the room. Many friends, relatives, babysitters and customers have walked by without so much as a second glance. Who knows what goes through their head, but really, whatever it is they keep it to themselves.

So….let’s get to it!

This week I’m kicking my butt into gear by focusing on strength moves. I’ve always said my goal is to do the Iron X so it’s time to get working on it. Until my new grip aids arrive in the mail (my dog ate my half-full bottle of Mighty Grip!) I will have to hold off on trying the True Grip variation. So for now it’s the elbow grip variation.

It’s obviously not going to happen overnight, and I don’t want it to. I like having a faraway goal to work towards, each practice session ends with another baby step firmly planted en route towards Victory Island.

Oh, and believe it or not I was actually able to nail the Allegra in class this week. How, I have no idea because there was no way in hell I was getting it at home. Sigh.

For further reading on the stigma surrounding pole read

and this

and this

Kick Out The Funk

1 Sep

It’s official. I’m no longer bummed out.

Took a break, participated in a fun photo shoot and even did a little dance.

The break was suggested by many. Just get away from it, clear your head, focus on something else. Well, you don’t exactly have to twist my arm.

The photo shoot was planned months ago and couldn’t have come at a better time. Not only was the setting beautiful, the weather cooperative and fellow polers lovely, but being able to “perform” for others provided a confidence boost I needed. Not that any of us did a routine, but pulling off moves that impressed both the photographers and other pole dancers reminded me that I have put in a lot of work these past six months! And now I have professional photographs to prove it.

But again, all I did was pull off the same tricks as I do at home. There were no seamless, graceful flow of combos. Just lots of grunts and clumsy dismounts.

So today I buckled down and finally did it. I danced to a song, beginning to end. My 6 month pole dream came true! Except it was a little more nightmarish than dreamy. First of all it was damn hard! Like, I had pools of sweat forming in various crevices of my body by the end of the two and a half minutes. I didn’t even attempt any super hard moves, just a bunch of spins and hip swaying in heels. And those heels are not for the faint of heart, they could easily be filed under “Deadly Weapons”. I never practice in them around spectators due to the high possibility of stabbing someone in the back of the head while whipping into a reverse grab.

So just a warning. It’s not that pretty. It’s definitely not seamless.  But I can say with certainty that my body kept moving the whole time. Whether it was exactly on time with the music is one thing, but dammit I effing did it!

Will I look back on this a few months from now and cringe? I sure as hell hope so.

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We have started a facebook group to organize doggie play groups in Ottawa and surrounding areas. The group grew to about 70 member's in less then a week. So us and the members decided why not start trying to raise money for dog rescue organizations and charities. We are waiting for the nice weather to come so we can start our play dates :) Feel free to join our facebook group where we will be posting outings and charity and fundraising events on behalf of some of the rescues :)

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Slightly altered from Friedrich Nietzsche's original thought, but i'm sure he wouldn't mind: “We should consider every day lost on which we have not pole danced at least once.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche/ Laura Gardner

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